Stop Sabotaging & Thrive
- Britta Van Dun
- Mar 25
- 5 min read
"Our life is what our thoughts make it ."
- Marcus Aurelius
I’ve been thinking a lot about subconscious programming lately. By lately, I mean most of my life. I’m writing about it now because exciting advances in the fields of psychology and spirituality have evolved easy-to-understand frameworks that can help us more easily identify and transform self-defeating subconscious thought patterns. Let’s get into it!
Why it’s Essential to Identify and Transform Negative Subconscious Beliefs
Our subconscious beliefs shape our reality. They are the silent architects of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—often influencing our lives in ways we cannot imagine. When our subconscious beliefs are negative or rooted in fear, they manifest as reactions, strategies and behaviors that keep us stuck in patterns of self-sabotage. To live a life we love, we need to identify and transform these beliefs at the root:
We Cannot Change What We Do Not Perceive – Until we recognize the limiting beliefs and strategies driving our actions, we’ll continue to repeat the same behaviors. A well worn phrase, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
Our Subconscious Dictates Our Choices – Even if we consciously strive for health, love and success, if our subconscious mind believes we are unsafe, incapable, or underserving, we’ll unconsciously sabotage opportunities that would otherwise contradict those negative beliefs.
Transformation Involves Reprogramming – In order to shift our external reality, we first much transform from within. Healing and growth is an inside job. When we replace limiting beliefs with empowering thoughts, we organically start making choices aligned with our core values and desires. All those choices add up to a new reality.
How Subconscious Programs Sabotage Health, Relationships & Success
Self-sabotage is the subconscious mind’s way of keeping us in the familiar, even if the familiar is painful. It can manifest as self-criticism, procrastination, perfectionism, fear of failure, people-pleasing, avoidance, over-achieving, chronic stress, and more. These patterns significantly impact the most important aspects of our lives:
Health: Negative subconscious beliefs around health, genetics, worth and self-care can lead to an inability to receive nourishment, ignore symptoms, decreased immunity and even bar true healing. For example: If deep down I believe that my body is not safe in this world, I may make unhealthy choices and my body may unconsciously "keep the bad in and the good out."
Relationships: If we hold subconscious beliefs that love equals sacrifice, that we are unlovable, or that connection causes pain, we may push people away, settle for unhealthy relationships, withdraw into isolation or become/remain emotionally unavailable.
Success & Abundance: Limiting beliefs about finances, achievement, and capacity can cause us to sabotage opportunities, undercharge for our work, or stay stuck in cycles of struggle because we subconsciously associate success with loss, pressure, or failure.
Stop Sabotaging and Create a Life You Love
To create a truly enjoyable life, we must become our greatest ally and intentionally reprogram our subconscious negative thought patterns. This means:
Awareness – Identify the beliefs and patterns that hold us back.
Release & Replace – Let go of dated conditioning and consciously choose new, affirming beliefs.
Take Action – Act in ways that reinforces our new beliefs, even before they feel natural aka uncomfortable.
Subconscious Self Sabotaging Strategies & Beliefs
Deeply rooted subconscious self-sabotaging strategies and beliefs are tied to an essential need that a person is trying to fulfill, usually in unhealthy ways. To help you more easily identify which self sabotaging beliefs and strategies are adversely impacting you, I’ve borrowed from The Mountain is You by Brianna Weist. Below you’ll find Subconscious Strategies, corresponding Essential Needs, and Growth Opportunities to help you stop self-sabotaging and start thriving:
1. Strategy: Being in Control → Essential Need: Safety
Fear of uncertainty (other shoe dropping, the unfamiliar) often drives our need to control people, places, things, situations, etc. We resist change, micromanage situations, or avoid risks because control provides a sense of security.
Growth Opportunity: Learn to trust life, surrender to the unknown, and develop inner security rather than external control.
2. Strategy: Being Needed → Essential Need: Validation & Belonging
Sometimes we overextend or center our identity around taking care of others. We fear that if we are not needed, we will be unlovable or unimportant.
Growth Opportunity: Build self-worth, set boundaries, and grow relationships that are based on genuine connection rather than obligation or loneliness.
3. Strategy: Freedom → Essential Need: Autonomy
Some of us resist situations or deeper connections because we equate them to losing independence.
Growth Opportunity: Realize that true freedom comes from intentional choices. Create a life that aligns with what truly matters (your core needs and values) and build more interdependent relationships.
4. Strategy: Comfort → Essential Need: Security
We avoid discomfort, risk, or challenge because we subconsciously believe that staying the same is safer than evolving.
Growth Opportunity: Embracing discomfort as a necessary part of growth and recognizing that stagnation is often more harmful than change.
5. Strategy: Struggle → Essential Need: Significance & Purpose
Some of us believe that suffering, hard work, or sacrifice is the only way to prove our worth. We unconsciously create chaos or difficulty to validate efforts.
Growth Opportunity: Recognize that ease and success do not diminish worth, and that struggle is not a prerequisite for happiness or achievement.
6. Strategy: Being Misunderstood → Essential Need: Identity & Uniqueness
We sabotage relationships or opportunities because we have built our identity around being the outsider, the misunderstood one, or one who "doesn't fit in."
Growth Opportunity: Understand that connection and authenticity are not mutually exclusive, and that being seen and accepted does not mean losing individuality.
7. Strategy: Procrastination → Essential Need: Protection from Failure
Procrastination is often a subconscious way to avoid failure. If we never fully tries, we never have to fully fail.
Growth Opportunity: Reframe failure as learning or feedback and recognize that delaying action only prolongs discomfort. Start with a simple, manageable step. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Make this doable and enjoyable.
8. Strategy: Perfectionism → Essential Need: Control & Approval
Perfectionism is rooted in a fear of judgment and rejection. Some of us believe that if we are perfect, we can avoid criticism or failure.
Growth Opportunity: Accept that imperfection is a part of growth and that being authentic/real is more important than being perfect. What’s “perfect” anyway?
9. Strategy: Self-Sabotage Itself → Essential Need: Familiarity
For some people, struggle, disappointment, and/or failure feels very familiar (subconsciously comfortable). We often recreate past patterns because we are more comfortable with discomfort than success.
Growth Opportunity: Become aware of these patterns and consciously choose a different response, even when it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
If you'd like to chat about this or if you'd like help with identifying your particular self-sabotaging strategies and ways to overcome them, please reach out. You'll find me at britta@ intuitivehealthhealing.com and by text or phone at 917.519.2432. Hugs xx
Comentários