Cruise through the holidays without stress? Tall order? You betcha. As many of us have discovered, the holidays are a mix of many layered experiences, expectations and emotions. Festivities and gatherings can be overwhelming, amazing, stressful, sweet, wholesome, intense, raucous - sometimes all at the same time. Collective Stress is also in the air - it's not just you, which means taking extra care and planning ahead is essential. With a little awareness and a few simple techniques, you’ll be well equipped to walk through the hustle-bustle of the holidays with joy in your heart and an ease in your step.
Before I delve into my tried-n-true faves that have carried me through many a gathering, it’s important to mention: If you have lost a loved one in recent years, if this is the first holiday without someone, if the idea of being around family or friends is particularly tender this season, I invite/ask you to please be extra kind and gentle with yourself. Being around loved ones can be a powerful medicine, and, sometimes, we need to intentionally create quiet time for ourselves, slow down, acknowledge and feel emotions, prioritize what truly matters, and practice self-care. If you’re struggling, feeling lost or overwhelmed or just want to talk with someone, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m t/here for you always.♥️
First and foremost, it's very helpful to get clear on the gatherings and events you want to be a part of, and those you do not. Thinking ahead and creating a game plan are key. Perhaps take a few moments now to jot down your wishes and priorities for the holidays. Imagine what certain gatherings and reunions will look, smell, feel, and sound like and decide whether or not they are a right fit for your priorities and wishes this year.
When you’ve written that out, begin exploring perhaps less conscious expectations for the holidays. Like, “If so-and-so says X, I’m gonna Y,” “As long as I prepare and do XYZ, everyone will have a great time.” "If they just don't bring up X, everything will be perfect." Oop. That would be nice. I hope that for you. And. Other peoples' beliefs and behaviors, the future, and past events are not within our control. As the old saying goes, expectations easily set us up for disappointment and frustration.
Take a minute now to notice any expectations - do they live in a holding pattern somewhere in the body? What do they feel like? When you're ready, gently inhale into the expectations, and on the exhale, release those expectations into the ether. Again inhale into expectations or places of tension and release those expectations on the exhale. Breathe like this as long as you need, clearing away any tight thoughts or mental knots that could get in the way of you being present and available for what's right in front of you.
With a bit more space in the body-mind, let's now take a minute to conjure clear intentions that you can set that are realistically within your purview: “I'll do my part and see how it goes;” “If tensions are high, I can take a mini-break and self-regulate;” “I’ll bring my safe foods, so I can enjoy healthy choices AND partake in the festivities;” You can also bookend your intentions with a friend: “I commit to drinking a glass of water between alcoholic bevs"; “I’ll pivot the conversation if X comes up," “I’m open to meeting new people." The key is thinking ahead and remembering that you have choices. Much of life is taking pause so that we can respond with integrity rather than react out of habit.
My Best Recommendations for a Stress-free (or Low Stress) Holiday
Get in touch with Your Needs: Your time and energy matter
What are your priorities this holiday season? (e.g., quality time with family, rest, sticking to a budget, etc).
Let your priorities guide your choices and whether you want to say yes or no to hosting, attending, meeting, working, etc.
If you are feeling lonely or disconnected, please reach out and talk to a trustworthy person. If you feel resourced enough, maybe consider offering to help out at an event or find opportunities to volunteer and be of service - it can make a huge difference.
Check in Regularly
Before saying yes to an invite or request, pause, place a hand to your heart, and ask:
Does this align with my wishes for the season? Do I have the energy?
Give yourself permission to decline with grace: “Thank you for thinking of me. I won't be able to make it. Let’s connect another way.”
“I am looking forward to much needed R&R this weekend. Let’s catch up in the New Year.”
Create Personal Guidelines (or guard rails as I like to call them)
Before travel/festivities/visitors, write a list of Bottom Lines and Top Lines:
- Bottom Lines are things you will not compromise on, like scheduled alone time, maintaining your sobriety, sticking to a spending limit, not deep frying the turkey again, etc.
- Top Lines are a bucket list of happy intentions, such as: go for a walk with grandma, visit old haunts with a bestie, bring a karaoke machine to the family gathering, top last year’s Run Run Rudolph 1/2 marathon time, etc.
Set Boundaries
Creating boundaries is like creating spaces where we can meet people in mutuality and authenticity. Boundaries are not what we tell other people to do. Boundaries define what we are willing to accept and how to honor ourselves and each other.
Decide in advance what feels manageable—whether it’s how much time you spend at events, how much you’ll spend on gifts, or when to say no. Communicate these boundaries with clarity and kindness. Setting boundaries takes practice - and new ways of being and behaving can sometimes throw other people off. Give yourself and your loved ones grace. It's all learning. Please see below for sample language of how to set boundaries with ease.
Communicate with clarity, kindness and brevity (see below for more sample scripts)
Using "I" statements allows us to express our needs with accountability, reduces defensiveness and strengthens empathy and understanding.
“I love spending time with everyone, and, I’ll need to leave by 8pm.
“This year, I’m committed to focusing on experiences rather than gifts.”
“That sounds so fun, thank you. Unfortunately, I need to sit that one out - next time!”
“That all looks delicious. I won’t be able to partake in all the dishes, but I’m so happy to be here."
Build in Nature Time and Time to Exercise and Recharge
There are often so many fun events and people to see, it's easy to overbook.
Nature restores like nothing else, so if you can plan in a few hikes or quiet moments in the backyard, your nervous system will thank you.
If you are accustomed to exercising regularly, build-in time for that. A great way to catch up with friends and family is by scheduling walk and talks.
Presence Over Perfection Focus on meaningful connections rather than striving for everything to be flawless. Simplify your to-do list, and let go of expectations that don’t align with your wellness. A client recently had to navigate an unexpected illness of a loved one over the thanksgiving break. It meant that she wasn’t able to prepare the dishes that she is famous for or use the heirloom china reserved for such special occasions. Rather than stressing, she asked each family member to bring food that they personally enjoyed and they all had a lovely time catching up over paper plates piled high with a hodgepodge of unexpected, yummy dishes.
Weave-in Mindfulness and Mini-Breaks - Schedule brief moments to breathe, meditate, or reflect throughout the day and eve. Even a few minutes of quieting can reset your nervous system and help you stay grounded. To make that easier, incorporate Vagal Toning Exercises and Nervous System Regulation practices. I find that excusing myself for a few minutes for a restroom break or to venture outdoors to take in the night air usually gives me the time I need to recalibrate and center.
Share Goals - Avoid taking on everything yourself. Invite others to help you plan, meal prep, decorate and/or prepare dishes (pot luck style). Many hands make light work, collaborating brings us closer together, and helping side-by-side can build wonderful memories.
Count Blessings - During challenging moments, take a minute to shift your mindset by focusing on what you’re grateful for. Just like long waiting lines can be an opportunity to practice meditation and intentional breathing, holiday stress can be an opportunity to up-level your threshold for stress and create new depths of serenity within.
A Simple Stress Releasing Reset
The 5-5-5 Reset (less than 3 minutes)
Take 5 Deep Breaths - Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4, pause and hold your breath for a count of 4, then exhale slowly for a count of 6. Repeat this breath cycle 5 times. With each breath, imagine breathing in peace on the inhale and release any tension on the exhale
Notice 5 Things - Pause and observe 5 things around you— 5 colors, 5 textures, 5 patterns. Let this orient you to space and time, grounding you into the present moment.
List 5 Gratitudes - Name 5 things that you’re grateful for, big or small (e.g., “I’m grateful for cozy socks, my resilience, my dog’s nose, the sound of laughter”).
Sample scripts to help you successfully navigate tricky requests and conversations while staying true to your preferences and priorities.
Keeping in mind that . . .
Your energy and time are valuable.
Short and sweet replies are effective and easy to digest - no need to over-explain.
If one plan doesn't work, you can find another.
Tone Matters. Remaining calm and considerate is nice for everyone.
Exit Strategies help, especially when things escalate. It only takes seconds to excuse yourself to self-regulate - you can use the restroom, step out for air, go for a walk, or run an errand.
Rehearsing in Advance can make all the difference
Practicing the sample phrases below can help you feel more prepared and confident when you're faced with these real life scenarios.
Scripts
If you could use a little extra support this holiday season, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here for you. Call or text 917.519.2432 and email britta@intuitivehealthhealing.com Xx
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